Snail Shell
by Moofy-Fan
Summary: You had worked so hard, keeping me locked in a mental snail shell so strong that it seemed nothing could break it. Cooro's contemplation on Fly after his death. Spoilers for end of series.


Hello. I really like thinking about Cooro's psyche during the last couple of books. And of course, thinking leads to writing. Inspired by a song by They Might Be Giants, also called Snail Shell.

It wasn't intentional, but my other two Cooro one-shots, Grin and Bare It All and Talk About It could be seen as a loosely connected series, with Talk About It coming first, then Grin and Bear It All, and finally this. Like I said though, it wasn't intentional, so they are all each very capable of standing on their own.  
>Spoilers for the last book, of course. Read at your own risk.<p>

Snail Shell

It's been about a week now since everything happened, and I still can't really wrap my head around it. After the others found me and my wings came back, I don't think I'd ever felt happier, or more free in my entire life. I wasn't thinking about what had happened to you to let them return. I thought that they must have just been rejected, like Lyra's anima implantation had. I never imagined it would mean I'd end up staring down at your tombstone.

_Fly Greena Aight _

_6/15/310 - 4/11/342_

I still don't understand why you did all that. Why me? What made my anima so special that you'd latch onto it and never want to let go? I know you said it was pure, but I guess I just can't understand what you meant by that.

The others aren't with me right now. They didn't understand why I had wanted to come and visit you in the first place. They said you didn't deserve it after all the suffering and pain you put us through, and I almost agree with them. Almost, or I guess I wouldn't be here. I told them to wait at the hotel. We're leaving Aster first thing tomorrow morning, and I'm not planning on staying here very long. You probably don't really like that information though, knowing that your angel is getting away again.

The more I think about it, the more I'm not really sure why I'm here. I don't think you deserved to die, I don't think anybody does. Maybe that's why I decided to come, even after everything you did to me, I can't help but still feel sorry about what happened. I guess that's part of it. It's what I told my friends, the ones you tried to steal away from me, but I don't think it's the whole thing.

I suppose it's because of what I said earlier. I just still don't understand why. All my life, you'd made sure to keep me under a careful watch, and I didn't even notice it until the others started to point it out. It wasn't a watch that people normally think of, with guards and things like that. No, you could let me travel around and find new victims all on my own, because you knew I couldn't help but come back to you eventually.

As long as I'd known you, you made sure to watch my mind. To keep my emotions in check and feed me just enough lies and cover me with just enough subtle threats that even the sight of you would make me go crawling into a mental snail shell that was nearly impossible to break through.

You'd done it so well, that like I said, I didn't even notice the shell was there until the others started to try to bring me out of it. They didn't understand why I was so obedient, but they didn't try to pry. We all had past we'd rather just forget, and so instead of trying to find the source, they tried to repair the damage. They were doing pretty well too, until you showed up again.

I don't blame Nana and Husky for trying to figure out my past. Everyone had told their story but me, and I had a bad feeling ever since we helped Cyranova escape from those facility men in Fantale that an inevitable meeting with you was coming closer and closer. If they didn't suggest going back to the church, it wouldn't have matter either way. When your lock on my mind failed, you'd just send real guards, or come and get me yourself. I wouldn't be surprised.

I'm not really sure what I'm trying to get at. If it wasn't for you, I would have never met the others in the first place. I wouldn't even really be who I am today, you had personally sculpted me since I was five years old, after all.

Was it worth it? I really want to know. Was getting a chance to fly with my wings really worth dieing for? Of course, you hadn't planned on dieing. I guess a better question would be if I was worth it. If they hadn't shown up and stopped me at the last second, our positions would probably be reversed right now. I can't help but wonder if you would feel as indifferent as I do.

I wonder if you understand how strange it is for me to feel this way. I know I don't hate you. I really can't bring myself to feel anything for you. I think it might be out of fear that if I were to feel anything, it might just be something like hate. Husky said that you deserved for me to hate you, but it's just not in my being to think that myself. I guess what I really want to know is if you ever actually cared what happened to me, or if I was just an obstacle between you and flight.

I actually hope you did care for something other than just my wings. I used to actually look up to you, you know that? You knew all these amazing things about anima and the world, and you said I was special. Someone with such stunning wings, and the ability to sense other anima. I had genuinely liked you, and I suppose that was the reason why my shell was so strong. Beneath all of the other layers of reinforcement and stone, was a simple desire to be able to please you.

It's starting to get dark now, and even I know that asking a slab of grey granite wont get me any of the answers I'm looking for. I don't think I'll ever be able to get those answers, it's not like I can ask you myself, after all.

I'm not going to come back this time. That mental snail shell you had worked so hard on for so long is starting to fade. It's not gone completely, and I'm not sure if it ever will be, but it's not going to hold onto my life anymore. I guess that's the real reason I came here, passed all of the questions and wondering.

Goodbye, Fly. I'm not your angel anymore.


End file.
